Article
5 Steps to More Constructive Conflict
Jan 21, 2025
“Conflict is the engine of growth,
both individually and collectively.”
Why get better at conflict?
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A crucial part of having high performing and innovative teams is their ability to navigate conflict both internally and externally.
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Conflict arises when two differing perspectives exist about the same situation or topic.
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Sources of conflict can be: interpersonal, task, goal, or values based.
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While we cannot control what others do or say, we can control how we think, feel, and respond.
Using the S.L.E.A.P Model
Self-Aware
Be conscious of your thoughts, feelings and actions.
Listen
Seek first to understand. Use reflective phrases like, “So what I hear is…” to ensure you’re truly hearing their perspective.
Empathise
Keep the goal of the conversation front and centre.
Align
Acknowledge their emotions, even if you don’t agree. Validating their feelings creates space for better dialogue and keeps the conversation productive.
Propose Solutions
Shift the focus to practical steps forward. Confirm next actions and ensure mutual commitment to resolving the issue.
Putting it into action
Step 1: Self Aware
Don’t pick up the rope: Imagine the other person inviting you to play an imaginary game of tug-of-war. If you meet them at their emotional level, you’re engaging in the “game” and validating their emotional state. Don’t pick up the rope—take control of your response.
Play the ball and not the person: Stay focused and avoid being dragged off course by personal attacks and distraction tactics.
Keep your eye on the prize: Keep the goal of the conversation front and centre.
Cool your jets turbo: Be aware of your physiological response take a breath and/or a break if needed.
Step 2: Listen
Seek to understand before being understood: Actively listen without forming a rebuttal while the other person is speaking.
Use reflective listening: Try phrases like, “So what I think I’m hearing is…”
Stay in discovery mode: Ask, “And what else…?” to uncover additional insights.
Be solution focused: Ask, “What would need to be true for us to move forward?”
Step 3: Empathise
Understand their perspective: Take the time to see the situation from their point of view.
Acknowledge emotions even if you disagree: Validating their feelings shows understanding, even without agreeing
Use minimal encouragers: Small verbal affirmations like “I see” or “Go on” can help keep the conversation flowing.
Reflect their emotions: ” Try statements like, “I can see why this might feel frustrating for you.”
Step 4: Align
Look for a point of agreement: Highlight common ground with phrases like, “I can see we both agree on…”
Hunt the good stuff: Reinforce productive ideas with comments such as, “I liked your suggestion of…”
Focus on actionable steps: Ask, “What do you think could be a good outcome or some next steps we can both agree on?”
Step 5: Propose
Clearly define the issues: Summarise the situation as you understand it.
Focus on actionable solutions: Keep the conversation directed towards what can be done.
Align on next steps: Ensure clarity by confirming what each party will do moving forward.
Secure commitments: Outline clear and mutual expectations for future actions.