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Team progress stalls, despite plenty of resources. Meetings feel either flat or overly fiery. People start working around each other, not with each other. Some voices dominate while others disappear. Team members leave meetings drained, not energised.
When this happens, it’s a sign to pause, zoom out and look at what’s really going on.
Helpful vs Unhelpful Conflict
A bit of healthy tension is often a sign of a thinking, engaged team. The challenge for leaders is telling the difference between helpful and unhelpful conflict and knowing what to do next.
Think of it like ‘footy’:
Helpful conflict plays the ball.
It’s about the game: getting the job done, solving the right problems and moving the team forward. There might be some heat and hustle, but the focus stays on the goal, not the players. It’s competitive in a good way, where people challenge each other to lift, think better, and get a stronger result.
Helpful conflict sounds like:
- “I see it differently and here’s why.”
- “What if we tried it this way instead?”
Unhelpful conflict plays the person.
It’s less about progress and more about ego. Instead of going after the issue, people start going after each other. Blame, snide remarks, digging up old stuff: suddenly it’s not about the ball at all and just like in footy, when you start swinging at people instead of playing the game, things get messy fast. Penalties, broken trust and a team that’s more distracted than driven.
Unhelpful conflict sounds like:
- “They always do this.”
- “No point speaking up, they’ll just ignore it.”
As leaders, our job isn’t to referee every disagreement.
Our job is to create the conditions that help teams keep their focus on the ball. This means setting up clarity, rhythm and trust, so people don’t feel the need to play dirty just to be heard or get ahead.
When people resort to personal digs or passive resistance, it’s often because the system hasn’t given them a fair or effective way to play the game.
So, when things feel like they’re starting to go off track, understanding the source of the conflict can help you course-correct before issues escalate.
In Part 2 of this article, we break down the four most common types of team conflict and how leaders can respond to each one in a practical, effective way.
